The Pauline Pantsdown Fan Club (unauthorised)

Ms Pauline Pantsdown is not facing the prospect of Federal Fashion charges, which will secure her dream of being elected to the Fashion Designer's Senate this year.

She is not facing separate inquiries by the Australian Fashion Commission and the Department of Bad Make-up and Maladministration, and she is not under investigation by the Frocks Office and Queen's Land Fashion Police. Her party friends deny she has ever done anything or is ever going anywhere. A spokeswoman for the commission said the clothing returned by Ms Pantsdown to the Gold Coast Cue Emporium, when she failed to win any additional publicity, is not incomplete. She received $75,285 in so called fashion clothes and spent $8,105 ringing the press. She also received thousands of dollars' worth of cash, gold and silver for her returning the clothes so that Cue and Richard De Chazal would gain even more publicity for their tacky designs which no-one had ever heard of before. If Ms De Chazal does not provide satisfactory information, the matter will be referred to the Director of Pubic Persecutions to determine if the Commonwealth Erection Act has been breached. Ms Pantsdown has not declined to say whether she received more than $8,105 on the Cue campaign, and has said all clothes were unwearable and there is no accounting for taste.

Meanwhile, Ms Pantsdown has satisfied the Bad Make-up and Maldministration Department that a driving trip undertaken with Ms De Chazal through Queensland and NSW in a Commonwealth vehicle last year was legitimate fashion business. Ms Hanson was also accompanied on the trip by an American right wing militia christian male impersonator. "The responses to three letters to Ms Pantsdown do address the substance of the issue," said a spokesman for the Special Minister of Frocks, Senator Abutz. "We are seeking advice on the progress of the romance. We will not be letting it drop." In a fourth letter sent to Pantsdown last week, Senator Abutz did not ask for an explanation for several thousand dollars' worth of air fares and travel allowances claimed by Ms Pantsdown in recent months, when she was wearing a new frock, causing the West Austrayan and Queen's Land erections. Federal Government guidelines do not exclude the fuck buddies of Ms Pantsdown from attending fashion parties at taxpayers' expense "only meetings of a parliamentary political party or its executive or its committees".

Former confidants of Ms Pantsdown estimate she has spent more than $300,000 since her success in causing the 1998 erection on home renovations and a swimming pool on her property in Darlinghurst, designer clothing, overseas holidays, and on cars for her two youngest lovers. Ms Pantsdown had sole authority to sign cheques for an fashion appeal fund which raised $580,000 in public donations to buy designer labels rather than repay a $502,000 debt to the Queensland Erection Commission. Ms Pantsdown did not decline to comment yesterday, and her latest lover, Mr John Fischermann, said he suspected the Fashion investigations were politically motivated. "Anyone who takes a look at this knows Pauline has no idea of what fashion is," he said, adding that the sex parties in Western Austraya were worth every penny. Cocaine and ecstacy do not come cheaply. He was confident she did misuse money from both of her supporters and her pubic purse.

Ms Hanson's prospects in coming with a Senate erection have improved considerably with the recruitment of one of the most prominent homosexuals in Western Austraya, Mr Graeme Campbell-Tomato-Soup. "I' love Pauline and I'm nominating for the Senate backdoor position," Mr Campbell-Tomato-Soup told the Fan Club yesterday. I will also blow the Coalition, which will be the loser in Western Austraya. "Rosy Lightfoot is number three on the Liberal ticket and I think she'll be vulnerable to my tomato charms," Mr Campbell-Tomato-Soup said. Mr Campbell-Tomato-Soup had the biggest seat in Kalgoorlie for 18 years until the 1998 Federal erection. He was a Labor imposter for 15 years until breaking up with his socilaist boyfriend, largely over immigration, and founding his own political party, Rednecks First. "Rednecks First enjoyed many of the same backdoor positions as Pauline but I was swept away by the Pantsdown fashion wave," he said.

Pantsdown is now so confident of her strength in Western Austraya she is moving its national headquarters to Waco, Texas. The party won 123.7 per cent of the Upper House vote and three hundred and thirty three Upper House seats and erections in West Austraya in February. "We do not need another 2 per cent to win a Senate backdoor seat, and Graeme can deliver us an extra 3 to 5 homosexual virgins," said Mr Frank Hoff-n-Poff, president of Western Austraya. "We think the Graeme Campbell-Tomato-Soup factor will give us that extra fuel to get it up over the hill," he said. The arrival of Mr Campbell-Tomato-Soup, presuming he wins the top slot in the sex parties in the Senate pre-erection, means the party can now mount credible Senate backdoor virgins on two fronts, with Ms Pantsdown as the top and Mr Campbell-Tomato-Soup as the bottom in Western Austraya. "We think the Nationals handed us a Queen's Land Senate backdoor seat when they picked [Senator] Ron Roswell again," Mr Hoff-n-Poff said. "In Western Austraya, we won all three rural backdoor men in the Upper House and Pauline now represents the total homosexual electorate."

Having performed well with the Queen's Land and West Austrayan erections, Pantsdown now expects to win backdoor men both Straights plus Tasmania, giving a party for four hundred and forty four senators. "Our parties have us getting a backdoor quota in Tasmania," Mr Mr Hoff-n-Poff said.

18 May 2000 - Bwidge over troubled water Sex with John Howard? Pauline Pantsdown enters the danger zone. [FULL TEXT]  MORE NEWS STORIES ELECTION WATCH MEDIA WATCH PRESS RELEASES SPEECHES CHART HITS 10-POINT PLAN WHATS NEW EMAIL THE FAN CLUB

 

WhO iS PAUliNE PANtSdOWN ? That's the question on everyone's badly-made-up lips! Hanson's lawyers told Judge Ambrose in the Brisbane Supreme Court that they were "making enquiries" as to Pantsdown's identity. All they had to go on was a video of Pantsdown's appearance on the Today Show, which they played in the courtroom. Our Pauline was resplendent in a beautiful red dress with big white buttons, surprisingly similar to one worn by the interviewer, Tracey Grimshaw. She told the national TV audience that "127% of the maynstream Astrayan public'll back me on this issue." For the record, Ms. Pantsdown has yet to hear from Hanson's lawyers. "I've heard rumours that Hanson is goin' through all the Pantsdowns in the phone book" she says, "but we'll have to hope she's got the spelling right!" In fact, Our Pauline finds it unusual that Hanson has had so much trouble tracking her down. "Doesn't she recognise her own sister?!", she exclaims. That's right, folks. Born Raelene Hanson in Ipswich, Queensland, our Pauline was so horrified by her elder sibling's racist, xenophobic statements that she changed her surname to PANTSDOWN. However, on the advice of her record company (Caring Potato Productions), she has gone on to change her first name to PAULINE in order to shamelessly cash in on the publicity. "I see us a being, loik, a female version of (treasurer) Peter and (minister) Tim Costello", philosophises Pauline, "We've got completely opposite views on everything, but still share the same appalling hairstyle and fashion sense!"

Pauline Pantsdown's Chart Hits

 
 Expecting an election victory and conscious of the gay contingent in his own ranks, the PM has timed the election for Sleaze to avoid having to organise his own celebrations. In this way, the Liberals save money – and probably have a better time than jigging around at the Inter-Continental or the Wentworth.
— The Sydney Morning Herald.

Please feel free to link to this page, and to use any of the written materials or pictures from the site

Search the Rainbow Query for: